dark days

.

…

Dark days are behind me

Dark times have gone

That once dark place in my heart no longer exist

No longer am I filled with pain and hate

But filled with love and joy

Not found in the eyes nor the heart of another

But within my soul

…

Yes many trying times are ahead but those are welcomed

And anticipated

With inner peace come

Self-love

Motivated to shine.

Motivated to evolve

Motivated to learn and help and be a man of the world

And a child of god

…

Ahead I see an endless supply of happy memories

And a finite amount struggle

Look forward to the days ahead

I look forward to. Looking forward

And no longer looking back at the darkest times

But as a  child of god

…

 .

SELF EXPESSION

self expression

my poetry is my way to express myself

my means of holding on to my sanity

I'm tired of living a lie

living behind a facade

to see me and to me and to know me are two different things

as different things as different as the joy of love

and as different as the pain loss brings

when you see me smiling I'm dying on the inside

my smiles hide so many things

too many times my smiles have hidden my tears

my smiles have overcome my fears

but far too many my smiles have hidden the fact that i care

so i pick up the pen and write one letter but this one letter

goes so far that by time I'm done this on letter

expresses me

LOST

…

….I lost myself….

Lost sight of who

Who I was

Who I wanted to be

Who I should be

And only saw

Who I should not be

…

So I lost myself

Lost myself in a different world

Lost myself in a different life

A life where I didn't exist

A life where I hated who I was

A life that I should be living

But deep down i knew

That no matter what I tried to do

I knew, I knew that I was

I was lying to myself

Telling myself that I found myself

…

It’s weird to say

Weird to say it took a dream to wake up

Jolted me out of life I once knew life

A life I once knew

Once had once

Once cherished

Finally

Once took advantage of

Took for granted

And lost that life

…

Lost my mind

I lost the love of a mother

Lost the love, I loved the most

I lost it all

Lost my heart, my soul

I lost my mind knowing, I had lost it all

I was lost in my own mind

Trapped in my mind with a broken heart

Broken soul, and broken mind

I knew then I and there

I’d rather have a been broken, than breaking

So I choose to give in to the pressure

Choose to lose my life

That’s when it all came to an end

The end of my life.

…

Dark so dark

So cold

So empty

Nothing but hate,

Pain

Sadness

And loneliness

Thought the end

The end was calm and peaceful

Thought the stories of heaven and hell

Were stories

In that brief moment

Time stopped

And I had spent

An eternity in my mind

I knew I had to

Begin a new

…

To begin a new

I had

I had to find myself

But to find myself I had to

I had to begin new

Thought to find myself I had to

Had to recreate a life lost

No matter how many Similarities I knew

I knew I was lying to my self

I knew it was not my life

To begin a new life I had

Had to give up the dream that was of the old

…Never forgetting…

I lost myself

…